How has everyone been? It’s been awhile since my last post. A lot has been going on. I hope everyone has been doing well. It’s been exciting around here.
First off, as I have the last 6 years, in March I started feeling that familiar black cloud creep in. On April 9th, 2010, my father took his own life. Every year starting about mid-March, I have a tendency to fall into a funk. Especially in those milestone years, major birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc. As I have mentioned in a previous post, Senior is graduating from high school and will be going off to college in the fall. She has decided to attend Tarleton State University. Over the weekend she attended her senior prom, which just happened to fall on the anniversary of my father’s death. While I was helping her prepare for the dance, I started feeling very angry. Angry that he is missing out on seeing her grow up into a beautiful, smart, young woman. Angry that he robbed her of seeing him looking at her with that look of love and pride he saved only for his grandchildren he loved and adored so much. Angry that he wasn’t here to console me because I was feeling old, watching my babies grow up. Angry that he wasn’t here to tell her all the stories of my prom, the antics I had gotten into, the stupid mistakes I had made that we all know she is too smart to repeat. And sad…. oh so very sad…… But in her infinite wisdom, she did the one thing she knew would make my entire year. She asked me to do her makeup for her. She took selfies for me and allowed us to take all the pictures we wanted. (She is absolutely gorgeous and photographs so well but she has never been one to enjoy being in the spotlight, so to speak.)
Thankfully when she came home from prom this year, she had had a good time with her friends. Unfortunately last year wasn’t as fun, so I worried that even though we had prepared for this year better than last, it would have the same outcome. As parents we just want to see our children happy, healthy, and successful. So when they don’t enjoy themselves at such a milestone event, sometimes we can’t help but feel we failed them in some way. And now we both have wonderful memories. Last year, we were searching for a dress and shoes the day of prom. This year, we ordered her dress online and it came with a few weeks to spare. It came out of the package and fit her perfectly. Last year we had her nails done at a salon in a different part of town just hours before prom, and paying quite a bit more. Because of course the salons in our area were packed with girls who had made their appointments weeks in advance. This year, we went to a salon in our town, the beginning of the week, on a day she got out early from school. When we could not be rushed and she could tell them exactly what she wanted. And her nails turned out beautiful! Several days before prom, she found out she had gotten the job she interviewed for. Besides the couple of weeks that she worked at a fast food place her sister managed, this is her first job. So even though we have been struggling financially since I haven’t been able to work, I have to say this has been a pretty great year.
In March, my mom, #3 daughter, and I took a road trip to watch Senior compete in state culinary competition. Although they did not place high enough to advance to Nationals, they did very well and placed 6th out of only 12 teams.
So now its May. I don’t even remember te date I actually started this post. I kinda suck at this but I am going to try really hard to do better.
So, senior has decided to switch colleges. Which was fine because I want her to be where she will be happy and thrive. Till I found out the reason she switched was because she thought the new college would cost less. So now I feel terrible because I feel like she is settling for reasons that shouldn’t concern her. But we are almost finished getting everything fished up for her to be ready to go off to college in the fall.
#3 turns 11 tomorrow. And just like every year up until now, i have waited until the last minute to even think about birthday stuff. But… yesterday i actually put on makeup! Which is a step in the right direction to getting my crap together.
Baby steps, right….
I hope you are all well and i will post more shenanigans soon, im sure….